I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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