Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
