is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
