Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
