Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
