Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
