You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize