Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
