You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
