I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
