If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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