Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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