he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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