I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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