oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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