the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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