Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
