I hate all girls vehemently.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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