im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
