census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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