so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
