she looked like the before picture.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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