she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
