i'm signing you up for texting rehab
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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