my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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