I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
