Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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