Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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