The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
