He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
