were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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