At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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