so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
