how hairy? two words: wookie tits
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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