Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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