he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
