pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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