I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i've created a new STD.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
