You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
