Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
