Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
