i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
