Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
