and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
