I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
North Korea, Best Korea!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
