Non-Jews are for practice
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
