i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did i walk over a car last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
