Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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