He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
