1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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