I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
