don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
