I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
