drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
