i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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