Me too!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
