I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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