And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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