I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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