She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
