My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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