Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
