Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its not stalking. its research.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
