I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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