I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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