whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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