So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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