Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
