Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
