You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
