I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
